Very very tired

Well i’m back from brunei and i must say i’m so very thankful to my God that He has again proved that He never fails. Throughout the trip, i didn’t sustain any injury at all except for some small cuts while bashing during swamp walk which couldn’t be avoided.

I’ve seen how God brought me thru the whole trip…provided me the strength to carry on when i feel like i cant carry on. motion in the platoon is building up..and its getting more and more tiring not only to the body, but the soul. I’m really really exhausted from all the motion esp after the 7 days continuous outfield. (but honestly biang wasn’t as scarry as i thought it would be…but it was God that brought me thru)

I yearn to do things that truly mean something to me. But as for now, a lot of it is still motion, though my God is real. My friends my family as well. Now that i’ve gotten back the perspective of my life that im comfortable with, i’m happy. In fact, i couldn’t have asked for more. God has been so good.

So here’s the update. I’ll have a good 1 week off before i book in next monday again before we start heading towards bn exercises now that the coys are validated. This means the support elements like my own platoon needs to step up to be operational very soon. It’s gonna be mad motion…After the first year commanders ord, it’s only gonna build up…from what i can see.

Still, i’ll hold on to the hope that God provided. I don’t know what’s going to happen next nor do i know if training will only get tougher. But i know God is always there by my side bringing me through all the obstacles.

That’s what gives me the assurance of my future. =)

I can't live without God

It's not been too good a past week actually. Stress mounting, disappointment experienced from literally all quarters of my life. The battle was fierce, and it was tough to keep my emotions in check, from ruling my actions. I know it was tough on my boy Ryan too, and i wish i could have done more for him, but i was stretched way too thin with my personal life. I literally snapped, I almost wanted to just throw in the towel and just do nothing.

Too many things have happened recently, none of which was under my control. I felt so helpless, so alone. Trying to remedy the situation on top of my usual commitments had worn me down, which was also on top of my own emotional struggles. I felt taxed, felt drained, felt there were too many things to do to even pray - that's the whole problem you see. I run myself dry as though there'll be no consequence, with terrible implications afterwards. Everything looked dark, everything looked bleak, I felt I had no hope, like it was taken from me.

That's when I knew I had come to the end of myself, into shreds. Totally broken, exhausted and hopeless, I approached the King of Kings once more, where He restored to me strength, assurance and a new hope, and changed my countenance. A broken and contrite spirit, He will not despise. He has changed my mourning into dancing, and once again, I could life my voice in sweet praise of Him. O what a joy! To just worship Him in unrushed time, and let Him minister in my tears.

I've found my joy, and my freedom, for He is my inheritance. Have you found your inheritance recently? And so, because He has such a vast love, that can cover and blot out the depths of my sin, I shall and must, continue to serve Him all the days of my life. What can I do without you Lord?

Nothing, absolutely nothing, and proud of it =)

Well, as David the Psalmist, King of Israel says to the Lord, "I'm poor and needy". Hence I'm unafraid to be poor, to be needy before the Lord. Not as a sign of weakness, but rather, embracing our original design as mere men. Creation to creator, period.

Time for that much needed servicing?



Jared

Magic

Yesterday was good.

Managed to run a new 10 km route around my estate, and I did it close to noon too. Really felt like giving up many parts of the way, but was encouraged at many points to trudge on. The wind, the beautiful sun and the deep and rich greenery spoke to me. The ever rising sun tells of God's amazing grace to His people to always provide for them the strength to grow their crops, and the light to guide their paths, regardless of circumstance. And it was through the wind, that Moses saw the back of God. The rich and lush greenery just made me stand in awe of His Magnificent.

Whenever I needed encouragement, I would just close my eyes and walk into the wind, and the wind, would just blow stronger as though in response to my need. It's magical, and I wouldn't trade anything else for this. God is here, God is holding me together during this critical period of time. For without Him, I would really have crumbled. His strength in my weakness exemplified.

He is teaching me many things, and I know it. And I think i'm beginning to realise what Paul meant when he said all that he has once considered loss, he now considers gain. Though it was a deep loss, absolutely heart wrenching at first, I can also consider it pure gain...

For I have taken away many lessons.
1) More than anything else, I've learnt perserverance - to not give up in the face
of mounting difficulty and discouragement
2) I've learnt how one must suffer when fighting for a cause
3) My prayer to grasp the concept of pure agape love was answered
4) I've seen how fear can motivate and how to overcome it
5) I know who I am
5) And many other lessons, none of which we can learn from the classroom

Hence, it is gain.

It was a very trying 2008 which almost threatened to cloud the days of 2009. But it shall not. A new Beginning, a new start, the old has gone, the new has come. I've come to accept the fact that life is going to be tough, and inevitably I will be defeated by my circumstances at times. But, I've decided in my heart and spirit that I will never stay defeated.


Bye 2008, Hello 2009.

Love,
Jared